Beating the lockdown blues
It’s been almost a year since the beginning of the weirdest year in my history as a human (this time around anyways). I’m bored to death of re-capping the trajectory of my relationship with myself and to the world as lockdowns and restrictions have come and gone, changing as quickly and frequently as the weather here in Calgary. I think it must be the sudden dip into a cold snap, plus going on the 7th week of quite an intense lockdown that’s got me feeling reflective and also in need of a morale boost. Since happiness is an inside job, I’m giving myself that boost, and I’d like to share it with everyone who needs it too.
So here’s the thing. There is a ton of evidence and socially accepted reasons why I should be mad, frustrated, anxious, bored, fearful, gaining weight, depressed, borderline alcoholic…etc. I’m 31 and should be in the prime stage of life. I should be working in my job raking in the big bucks and expertly managing a perfect balance of savings for my future and frivolous spending on luxuries that I can afford because I have an adult income and adult freedoms. I should be going out to restaurants and pubs with friends, planning trips, socializing, flirting, dating, and laying foundations for the family and home I one day hope to have. I should be going to my hot yoga classes a couple times a week, sweating it out and sculpting the body I live in. I should be buying the organic and healthy foods at the expensive part of the grocery store and not batting an eyelash at the register because I can afford to feed myself the best foods available.
But I’m not doing those things. It’s a lockdown. Activities are very limited. Socializing is limited. Work is almost non-existent and I’m making less than half of what I normally bring in every month. Time is passing and it feels like I’m in a strange limbo or time warp and my body is still aging but life outside me is at a standstill. It feels like I have every right to be pissed right off and the temptation to scream at the top of my lungs, THIS IS BULLSHIT AND JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK, is strong sometimes. And, the wild thing is, I could stand on the rooftop and yell any variation of that sentiment and I would likely be met with a resounding collective agreement. That I’m right about the suckyness of right now and I should be upset.
Instead though, I’ve decided that I’d rather be happy than right. So I’m changing my perspective and I’m re-writing my options. Here are the keys to doing just that.
The first thing I’ve done is taking the critical first step of accepting what is, and stop wishing things were different. There’s no way I can look at things differently if I’m too busy wishing for and missing how things used to be. It won’t change anything, and in fact it will keep me stuck and unable to move forward in any way.
Once I stopped wishing for the past or wishing for something other than what is, I could start building new habits and routines. Routines are important for me so I respect that about myself and that inspires me to stick to the new ones, even when I don’t want to. My morning routine is to get up and drink a litre and a half of water before I drink or eat anything else. Non-negotiable. Does it suck sometimes? Yes. Do I do it anyway because I know that hydrating myself really well makes me feel like a superwoman? Damn right. Then I have a cup of coffee and I do a reading and meditation. Also non-negotiable. It doesn’t matter the form of a morning routine as long as it works for you and is positive and makes you feel good and energized.
Another routine that I’ve built, and had to put some mind-power behind is my physical activity. I’m normally a very active person between my work and my usual activities and it was a very bitter pill to swallow having to re-work my routine into one I can do at home. Doing online yoga videos is not the same as going to a hot studio, and I admit that I let my bitterness stand in the way of my practice for a while. However, going back to step one of acceptance, I accepted that it was going to be a while before studios opened again and I still love yoga and my practice. So, I started making time to do an online class a few times a week, and I treated it as if I was going to the studio. That means no coping out, no excuses, and I always feel great about it. I’ve also taken to daily walks (and runs when it’s not negative a thousand outside) and the change of pace has actually been wonderful for me. Walking has become a moving meditation, a time for learning (podcasts!!), and an hour in the day that I cherish. I get fresh air, sunshine and strangely enough, it feels social. I see other people out walking, make eye-contact and smile and remember how to be a loving human being. Extra hint: even when it’s cold as fuck outside, I bundle up and I go for a walk and I’ve never regretted it.
A routine around money and spending is another one there’s been some resistance to re-writing, but it’s also possible and I’ve re-formulated my thinking to see the time of tightening my belt (so to speak) as an opportunity to live in a simple and humble way financially, while still practicing the mindset of abundance and well-being. It’s been fun and interesting, believe it or not, to find ways to be creative with meals because I’m spending far less on groceries than normal, but I’m still eating very well and very healthily. There’s also no wiggle room for impulsively buying snacks that, let’s be honest, nobody needs, and I’m not spending on non-essentials like alcohol, thereby giving my body a bit of a break in that sense as well. It’s a lesson in reframing what could easily be perceived as a time of lack into a time to learn and experience the feeling of knowing that I have everything I need, and being grateful for what is here and what is available to me. It’s very empowering.
As far as this idea that life is in limbo and it’s boring…goodness, I am finding so many things to do that I’m almost just as busy as I was pre-lockdown, just in different ways. One thing I’ve dove into again which was previously neglected is my love for reading and learning. I’m reading novels and non-fiction, I’m listening to podcasts, and I feel like I’m devouring information and I love it. My mind never feels bored, in fact I feel like I’m exercising my mind in a way that I haven’t in a long time and I love it! I miss certain ways of socializing and going to a pub for beers with friends, yes, but I’m also just embracing this time for the chance it is to dive into some time with myself that I likely wouldn’t otherwise spend, and it’s actually pretty awesome.
All this to say again, happiness is a mindset and nothing and nobody has the power to affect it except me. I get to choose. Even amidst external restrictions and a strong collective sense of chaos and fears and frustrations, my choice for happiness and fulfillment is my freedom and my right. It can be unaffected by the outside if I do my work inside.
